"Oh, get a job? Just get a job?"

 

  

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia genius-ness aside, what does one do to get a good job?

My resume and cover letter have been polished about five dozen times and I've contacted people I thought might help.  And yet, my perfect job has somehow eluded me. 

I was thinking about becoming a Jedi, but my qualifications are kind of weak (damn midi-chlorians).

Fuck off, you must.

Dog sledding instructor is off the table.  I have vertigo and an irrational fear of huskies.  

No really, I'd much rather sleep here than a house.

My hand modelling days are over since I was mauled by this batshit lion kitten.

Don't forget your hand-sunscreen.

I can't be a private investigator because Cheaters isn't hiring and, puh-leaze, no place else is good enough for this gum shoes.

Maybe they have an opening in the blurring faces division.

I know, I know, gourmet chef is my calling.  But apparently Campbell's Soup can be made by practically anyone and "Velveeta yum yum" isn't an actual food.  (could have fooled me)

Certainly you didn't want the fish tonight?

Oh, well.  I'm certain the economy will turn around and I will find my dream job.  This is America, after all.  Home of the American Dream, which I think involves white picket fences, kids playing in the yard, and a wallets full of cash.  Anyone can be anything they want to be; that's what this country was built on!

Beer me.